leave your mark

tonight I found some red lipstick in a box under my bed. So I put it on for the hell of it.

I feel unbelievably sexy.

Now if only I had the courage to wear it outside my bedroom.

It just might be a little too va-va-voom for my normally burt's bee's clad lips.

I wish I could actually wear it outside though. But everytime I put lipstick on I feel like an imposter. AND it makes me think of old ladies whose lips leave a permanent marking on all of the glasses at work. I mean this stuff is like glue. You can run it through the dishwasher twice and it's still stuck on the rim. Dogs leave their mark by peeing. Women leave it by lipstick with names like Mystique or Raspberry Glace.

Now that I'm thinking of old ladies and peeing dogs I'm not feeling quite so sexy.

sad day

What a day I've had. I'm trying to add a digital photography class right now, but I had to leave that early to go to a funeral. Then I had to leave the funeral early to serve lunch for the memorial, and then after that was done I had some dinner and went back to work to close.

I can't say I was extremely close to the man who died. But I loved him very much. Let me explain. I've been working at this one restaurant for 6 years now, and we have tons of old regulars. Mr. and Mrs. Sparks are two of them. Although I was at first very shy and slightly intimidated by Mr. Sparks because of his sharp wit and sarcastic humor, I have grown to enjoy our witty banter over the years. When I first started working there I was barely 16 and I wasn't used to using my sarcasm around people other than my close family and friends. But he brought it out in me.

There was just something about him. I know this sounds cliche or whatever, but he always had a twinkle in his eye. I've never known anyone quite like that. It was just like you knew he was cooking up something mischievous to say. And he made you feel so special, would always greet you with a hug and warm smile, asked if you'd gotten into trouble since the last time he'd seen you. And always, always when leaving would say "you behave." It was really something special to hear his grandson talking during the funeral, mentioning how his grandpa had always said "you behave" to him, seeing as how for the past few years I had secretly wanted Mr. Sparks to be my granddad.

The Sparks used to come in a few times a month. But I hadn't seen them in the restaurant since last November. So I started asking around, trying to find out where they'd been, if everything was okay. I came to know that he had cancer, and had most of his stomach removed right after his last visit to the restaurant. After I found that out this spring, I found out their address and made them a card. I don't think I've ever deliberated over making a card quite as much as I did this one. I used my favorite papers, in soothing colors with varying textures. And I even wrote a rough draft before I put my message inside the card. I wanted it to be special. And thoughtful. I wrote that I missed them, admitted they were my all time favorite customers (but that they probably shouldn't spread that around), put in a few of our personal jokes, and then asked if it would be okay to visit sometime.

When I visited them in May, I hadn't known what to expect. I was nervous. I found myself regretting asking if I could come visit. It was hard to walk in to their home and see him looking so different from the man I had grown to admire so much. He was frail, his usually jolly round cheeks sunken in a bit, his hair thinning out. The smile was there, but the twinkle was a little faint. He looked so tired. But not defeated.

I think I'll always cherish that hour and a half I got to spend with them in their home. I'm so glad I went. I think they were to. We didn't talk much about the cancer. Didn't spend time discussing his limitations or how he couldn't be the adventurous man he'd been in the past. We just talked about everything else. About friendship.

I wish I had taken the opportunity to go back and visit again before he passed last Friday. I guess I just didn't want to get in the way or be an annoyance. But I think he knew how much I adored him. How much I've missed his presence at the restaurant.

Today was a difficult day. I lost the grandpa I always wanted. I hope he knew how much I cared about him. To everyone else I'm just the waitress who kindly paid her respects at his funeral. And that's fine.

I don't know if there will ever be another Walt like this one though. He sure was something special.

a smidge

of my Austin adventure last week, via polaroids!

double trouble

The other day I decided to go back to my first love, film, and do some double exposure experimenting. Turns out I didn't wind the film back completely so the images don't line up. So I ended up with some triple exposures.

But I kind of love them anyways.

hit me again

Okay, I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm pretty sure most of the hits on this video have been from me. I love this. I love him. Well, his music at least, I shouldn't go as far as to say I love him, seeing as how I've never met him...

Anyways (you will find that is one of the most used words in my vocabulary, because it seems as if I get off track. A lot.) I think Bon Iver has absolutely stunning music and this video makes me happy. I mean, wouldn't you like, no, love to be walking the streets of Paris and be serenaded like this? You don't have to answer. I already know.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5Swa9CYgR

And I wish I could sing like him. Except, you know, the female version. Not gonna lie.

How excited am I that I finally figured out how to add a video? Yes, I'm slow.

Austin here I come

I'm so excited, Sunday morning at 4 am I'm flying out to Austin, Texas to see my friend Karen. She moved out there 5 or 6 years ago and ever since then I've been telling her I'd come and visit. So I'm finally making good on my promise!

I love it when I can remember the exact moment I met a friend. With Karen, we met in 10th grade during Sunday school. Everyone was randomly broken up into little groups and she was in mine. Somehow we got into the topic of weddings (we both love weddings, every sappy little second) and what we wanted our weddings to be like someday (quite the dreamers. In fact, I'm embarrassed to admit it but in junior high I totally put together a binder, complete with page protectors, that had pictures and scraps and scribbles detailing my future wedding down to the potential guest list. Lame, I know. But I had to move on from barbies at some point.)

Speaking of Barbies and lame-ness, I totally played with Barbies up through 6th grade and beyond. I loved that I had complete control over everything in these little peoples lives. And was there drama with my Barbies! Until I was 7 or so, I only had one Ken. There was a lot of competition. And Ken got around. Note to self: don't let your child sit at your feet playing with her barbies while you watch soap operas, because the drama on tv transfers to her imagination.

Ken would always get under the covers with my barbies. What a man-whore. I can't tell you how many times Ken got slapped.

What was I talking about?
Oh, how Karen and I met. What does that have to do with Barbies?

So anyways, Karen and I have been friends ever since, and we always have great fun together. Like our road trip down to LA to go to a taping of The Price is Right. We made T-shirts and everything. I remember they aired the episode we were at on my birthday. It was very exciting seeing myself on tv while eating pancakes. But the trip itself was so much fun. Like running after the Little Debbies truck. Or going to a truckers stop. Or the homeless man who hit on us while peeing on the sidewalk. What an adventure.

And then there's one of our trips to San Fran. Shopping all day and then watching the sunset on an almost secluded beach. Then getting lost on the way home and making up songs. Fun Fun.

All this to say, I can't wait, can't wait, CAN'T WAIT to enjoy the company of a good friend I haven't seen in ages and getting on a plane to go somewhere new.

Two of my very favorite things.

The image above is a double exposure I took a few years ago of Karen on our trip to SF.

so I was wrong.

About the dentist. He's actually a pretty cool guy now that I'm older. I feel silly for being so scared.

bzzzz goes the drill

I openly and unabashedly loathe and despise going to the dentist. My stomach gets tied in knots before I walk in and I hate it when they scrape my teeth with the teeth scraper thing. I also detest how the dentist decides to ask you questions that require more than a yes or no answer when your mouth is full of dental utensils. And I especially hate that this is my fate tomorrow at 1pm.

All these reasons are probably why I completely forgot my dentist appointment last summer and decided to take a grueling 9 hour hike up Half Dome in Yosemite when I was supposed to be sitting in a leather chair that makes fart sounds whenever you move.

So I've been putting off going, but it's finally time. Oh geez, I feel the knots coming.


Although I was nearly too petrified to climb this, I would almost rather climb it again than go to the dentist. Irrational fears, much?

remember...

I'll leave my bedroom door open

And if you sneak into my closet tonight while I'm sleeping, I promise I won't be mad. I'm sure my other clothes might be jealous of your beauty at first, but I'm sure they'll adjust.

You too.

Come on in. I've got a hanger waiting just for you.

old cat lady living in the house with all the windchimes

Our running family joke is that I'm going to be an old maid with dozens of cats. It's my fault, I started the joke. But lately, it feels as if the joke will one day become reality. I know, I know, I'm only 22, I have plenty of time to fall in love and all that junk. The fact of the matter is though, I'm 22, I've never had a boyfriend or been on a date (to my knowledge) and by next summer I'll be a bridesmaid for the fifth time. So excuse me if somedays I feel like a pity party is necessary.

I will say though, that it's nice not being smothered like so many of my friends are. Cuddles and kisses and someone who wants to be around you all the time? Who wants to deal with that?

Umm, table for one please? Oh and do you allow cats in your restaurant? Then there will be 13 and please inform the kitchen that Muffy is allergic to prawns. Where's Clarence? There he is, hiding under my mu-mu, again.

Oh Clarence.

hmm...

How pretty are spiderwebs with water droplets? So delicate.

I think I pulled an armpit muscle tonight at work.
Is that even possible?!?
Weird...

I was cleaning my room today and found confetti from 2000.
I only know it's 9 years old because it all says 2000.
I forgot that 2000 was called Y2K. It seems like so long ago that people were stocking up on canned food because the crash was coming.
I think I need to clean more often.

The cows outside are noisy. Shouldn't they be sleeping?
Speaking of sleeping cows, I don't believe people when they talk about cow tipping. Do you ever realize that it's always someone they know who's gone cow tipping, they've never actually seen the deed done themselves. I've never seen a cow that sleeps standing up. Therefore, I think cow tipping is just an urban myth. Because you never hear country kids talk about their cow tipping experiences.

My boss tells me more about her personal life than I want to know.

Tomorrow I'm going to Music Circus! What is music circus, you're thinking. Music Circus is a series of musicals performed during the summer time here in Sacramento with a really awesome stage. It used to be held in a circular tent, hence music circus. But a few years ago they built the "pavilion" (which has WAY more comfortable seats and is air conditioned). Anyways, the stage is circular, and it rotates (in multiple directions sometimes), can go up and down, and is just downright cool. The actors come down the aisles and are in character at all times. The stage sets are lowered from the ceiling and the orchestra plays in a small pit next to the stage. I love going! My parents have been season ticket holders for several years now and every year they let me pick one performance that I would like to attend. So this year I'm going to Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Hopefully there will be some beautiful dancing and singing and all around awesomness!

But before I go to Music Circus I'm meeting up with some friends at On The Border for some free chips and to get boozed up on sangria. Therefore making this Music Circus performance the BEST EVER.

family ties

A few years ago I was looking through old pictures and in separate boxes I found these two gems. The color photo is of my brother back when we were little and the b&w is my dad when he was a kid, about the same age of my brother when this photograph was taken. I've had these photos up side by side in my room ever since. It's funny how much a father and son can be alike. I love it.

Besides the similarity in their poses, I love looking at the picture of my brother and seeing our "waterslide". That metal slide would get so hot in the summertime so we always ran the hose up and then put the wading pool at the bottom of the slide. That was the greatest. You know, it's funny. We always wanted a real pool back then and now that we have one, well, let's just say I've only swam in it 3 times this summer and that's more than anyone else in my family.