Saturday, December 12

letters to various nouns

dear little paper airplane,
I made you in the hopes that you would fly into the garbage so I wouldn't have to get out of my chair. You failed. But, I must add, you failed spectacularly.

dear mrs. f,
good thing you're my the mom of my childhood best friend. Because if I had met you for the first time tonight as your server and you as my customer, I don't think I would've liked you. Scratch that. I know I wouldn't have liked you. I'm sorry but I cannot control the noise coming from table 16 and table 10. People typically don't come with volume buttons. Besides, they're only having a good time. Maybe you should try.

dear thrift store,
you were so awesome that it wasn't until I walked out the door carrying four bags that I realized I had forgotten to even look for what I meant to find.

dear table 8,
thank you for the generous tip. You are my new favorites.

dear book,
i was reading you slowly in hopes that you wouldn't end. You ended. How could you do that to me?!

dear future husband,
please do not snore like my dad. I don't know how my mom sleeps at night.

dear anthropologie,
you know, if you stopped making your catalogs so cute then maybe I could actually throw them away instead of having them stacked around my room.

dear anthropologie,
throw away that last letter. I'll deal with the clutter.

dear dad,
thanks for making me laugh so hard that I nearly choked on my chocolate chip muffin this morning.

dear plane ticket to anywhere awesome,
please find your way into my hands.

unsuccessful SELF


  1. 1- i really hope my future husband doesn't snore either.

    2- i'm the say way about anthro catalogs... i usually go through my magazines and rip out the pictures i like, but not these - all the pages are perrrfect!

    3- awaiting my tickets also!

  2. Saw your comment, with the magic word "muffins", on Meg's blog and had to visit!
    I enjoyed this post.
    Those novels are pretty cruel! I have many who've deserted me just when I needed them most. ;)

  3. Re plane ticket to anywhere: wouldn't it be better to ride Amtrak aimlessly for a couple of weeks? At ground level, I'd think the photo ops would be tons better.

  4. love the catalogs

    and want me so plane ticket to anywhere awesome. i think i'm gonna go to wimbledon this summer. that's the new dream!

  5. Haha about Mrs. F. I hope you let her know in your own silent ways that she is no fun. I feel your server pain.