I made you in the hopes that you would fly into the garbage so I wouldn't have to get out of my chair. You failed. But, I must add, you failed spectacularly.
dear mrs. f,
good thing you're my the mom of my childhood best friend. Because if I had met you for the first time tonight as your server and you as my customer, I don't think I would've liked you. Scratch that. I know I wouldn't have liked you. I'm sorry but I cannot control the noise coming from table 16 and table 10. People typically don't come with volume buttons. Besides, they're only having a good time. Maybe you should try.
dear thrift store,
you were so awesome that it wasn't until I walked out the door carrying four bags that I realized I had forgotten to even look for what I meant to find.
dear table 8,
thank you for the generous tip. You are my new favorites.
i was reading you slowly in hopes that you wouldn't end. You ended. How could you do that to me?!
dear future husband,
please do not snore like my dad. I don't know how my mom sleeps at night.
you know, if you stopped making your catalogs so cute then maybe I could actually throw them away instead of having them stacked around my room.
throw away that last letter. I'll deal with the clutter.
thanks for making me laugh so hard that I nearly choked on my chocolate chip muffin this morning.
dear plane ticket to anywhere awesome,
please find your way into my hands.